Fucking three

I love the idea of an iPad. It can do almost everything. It's even better when it connects to the Internet.

I'm currently on the main road in Chesterfield - no signal.

I've recently stayed in Ascot - no signal.

I train in Nuffield in Reading, on a major office development - no signal.

I'm currently living near Newbury, Berkshire - no signal.

It goes without saying that you can't get signal inside Old Trafford.

I was having breakfast in a Manchester city centre hotel this weekend and couldn't get a signal.

I spend some time in offices in Nottingham city centre - no signal.

I lived in Cheshunt for a while and the only way to get a functioning signal was to sit on the window cill of one particular bedroom.

Gaps here and there are acceptable

It is the worst contract I've ever entered into and I procure contracts for a living

Searching for a signal is like divining for water. People might see me wandering around and I wonder what they think - the enlightened informed observers probably know instantly I'm with Three; others think I'm deranged.

To escalate this issue, I've been told I have to go through a legal process. I've been fobbed off and forced to speak to Todd from Apple in the US.

I have a company contract with O2 and it's not perfect, but it's a world apart from Three. Hot-spotting through that is the only thing that makes this fucking contraption functional.

I think it's too late for me, this thing is about ready to go through a window or have my fist stuck through it - but my recommendation: don't get anything with Three. Whatever you think you're saving, it's a false economy. I suffer from a congenital heart defect and I feel the stress this causes physically.

From here on in, I plan to record every postcode that I can't get a signal in. It should be a rollercoaster ride.

Tweets aren't loading now.

No Service.

Searching...

Syntax error.

Read error b.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPad

More than a woman.

I sometimes wonder about what kind of woman I'd be. I wonder what my values would be. I think I'd be against Page Three, and a sense of career would be important to me, but I would perhaps like a comfortable life and might not be averse to using my sexuality to find a good partner. I'd work, but I'd also enjoy looking after the kids and that. I definitely think I'd go knickerless quite often, not just as a treat, I think I'd find it a bit of a thrill.

Above all else though, I think I'd be a woman that often wore socks. Some of the shoes are ridiculous. Constantly cold toes and walking a tightrope would not be my things. The only way around this seems to be wellingtons or boots of some sort. I don't know whether this attitude implies lesbianism, but that's a big assumption and one I'm not trying to make, so for the sake of this piece, let's assume that I'd be a woman who likes a bit of a cock.

I've tried to think of a woman with a public profile who I might be like. I'm not sure about Sporty Spice, but I could be a cross between her and Ginger Spice, without the need to travel the world as much as they did in their heyday.

If pressed, I think I'd be Felicity Kendall or Charlie Dimmock. Either way, I think I'd be properly narked if a convicted rapist was allowed to play professional football in front of me and I was forced to pay to see him score/ defend or score/ defend for or against my team, nor would I like the idea that my family or those around me accepted it. I think I'd probably stop watching football.